But what helps me continue spreading Misophonia awareness is my readers, and the community I've built in person and over the internet.
Thank you to those who are reaching out and sending me messages, questions and sharing how miserable life feels sometimes and how lonely you feel and how no one gets it and people laughing, and do not care and it just hurts and seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. But there is light. There is a better life. There is .. but it starts with you.
I did not have anyone who helped me or supported me or encouraged me at first. I was alone and I cried and felt helpless at first. But then I started attracting people into my life who cared, loved me, they offered me help. It might not look like help at first, because it required me to work on myself, but eventually I was able to see and experience the power of support and encouragement. Without those people I would not be where I am today. And now I will pay it forward and help someone else, the same way someone helped me.
See.. the truth is.. We do not succeed by ourselves. But we are very powerful together.
My faith also gives me strength to continue showing up for people who have Misophonia. I believe I was created to experience all the joy and sadness, hardships and blessings, but suffering is VERY OPTIONAL. Misophonia life does not have to be miserable. And we all have mental and physical capacity to create the life we deserve and love.
I asked myself once, "What if this is my purpose?". And I felt at peace. I felt warm and calm. And I could care less about other people's opinions and how scary it is to speak up especially publicly about something that is “not perfect" about me. I was raised and trained to hide everything that is not perfect to other people's eyes. But Misophonia… I do not want to hide Misophonia. I am not embarrassed I have Misophonia. I am proud that I have survived it and thrived to my best abilities for over 30 years without even knowing I have Misophonia and that it is a neurological disorder, not my whim for people around me to act a certain way.
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DO YOU NEED A COLLEGE PhD TO HELP PEOPLE ?📚‼️
I believe it all depends on what is your role in this support group. If you are a researcher or a doctor - then the answer is yes. Some Roles require college PhD, others require life PhD.
I m earning PhD in HEALING myself, so that anything painful or anything traumatic that have Ever happened to me do not get spit on others when a situation gets escalated.
I am earning PhD in Servicing others.
PhD in humanity.
PhD in love.
PhD in care.
PhD in communication and relationships.
I am committed to excellence in what is most important and so much needed in life, especially to those who suffer from Misophonia.
Right now, right this minute people are hurting each other people. Unknowingly. Not purposely.
And my goal is to speak and share as much as I can about triggers. To bring awareness about misophonia, so that people stop hurting each other by at least stop pen clicking or gum popping for the God sake in a presence of those who live with Misophonia.
I m 100% committed to master no blame talk, communication skills, ability to name my needs and feelings, boundaries, love and care for myself and others.
I m committed to this opportunity to serve. I m committed to live the live, and thrive and show others with Misophonia how to take responsibility for their life and give real life examples on how they can do it too.
100% responsibility. And this is what I m coaching my clients on. 100%responsibility 🔥
Meanwhile, we would really appreciate any small possible gesture of kindness - like stoping pen clicking or gum popping or nail clipping or texting with nails or eating with mouth open in our presence. All of these triggers impact most of those who has Misophonia and causing pain. Misophonia is already hard for us and just knowing that you hear us make it feels so so so much better.
Thank you, everyone, who’s path came across of mine. Please remember it not you - it’s Misophonia that causes pain. Please remember it’s not me - it’s Misophonia. It’s just it.
A question I was asked recently by a mother whose teenage daughter has Misophonia. She went on and on explaining to me what she had tried and have done to help her daughter with Misophonia. It was a long conversation. Conversation where I practiced my listening power.
All I wanted to respond is - I bet what she really wants (after all this) is for everyone to leave her alone and be done with the conversations about how she should live her life.
All I wanted to say is - we can’t change or force other people’s thinking, but we can lead by example and you can start with yourself, and this is how you will help your child.
All I wanted to say is - you are an amazing and very caring mother daughter can dream of, but you dominate in the vibrational space when you are with her. When you entered the room the last time all three of us met even I felt small. Imagine your daughter's life - constantly feeling small, unheard and devalued because “she does not know what she is doing and you feel like you have to save her”. That is why she is so distant from you.
Yes, this is what I wanted to say, but I couldn’t. I did not have a right to say it. She did not come to me for an advice, she did not come to me with a question and did not ask for help. She came to me and asked if I can speak to her daughter.
I respect that. I respect her. I want her to feel heard during that conversation. And I did not say anything that was going through my mind. I can’t and I won’t. Not until she comes to me and asks “can you talk to me?” Instead of asking to talk to her daughter.
I told her “Yes, sure I will talk to your daughter”.
I knew this conversation won’t happen. And it never did. We can’t force others to open up to a stranger (I’m her mom’s friend, not her) about one of the most difficult and painful subjects in her life.
The daughter did not respond to my call or text.
And the truth is I would not respond either if I was in her shoes.
Mom wanted me to talk to her daughter, so that I can tell her that my life with Misophonia has changed when I changed my mindset.
What she can do to help her daughter is to change her own mindset about her daughter’s Misophonia....
… But this is the whole another blog post.
If you know you are hurting someone by doing something you are capable of not doing would you stop?
I have asked this question to people who have Misophonia. People who suffer a lot from everyday noises. Noises can be avoided half of the time. And noises that cannot be avoided at all.
But all of these noises exist in our everyday lives.
Most people responded, “Of course I would stop!” “For sure!” “Hell yea!!!” “Absolutely!”
As someone who triggered by so many noises, all I want is those noises to stop! I would for sure stop doing something that hurt another person!”
If the majority of people would not want to hurt someone intentionally if they would stop painful acts if they knew it hurts other people, then why do we continue to participate in a cycle?
Why do we keep making noises that hurt other people?
And by these noises, I mean words that we say. Cold, harsh, sarcastic words. Criticism.
Blameful comments on how people eat, breath, walk, talk and more! The opinions that so eager to deliver to others who have a different point of view or simply do not even notice it.
Do you see the pattern?
We expect and desperately want others to stop making trigger noises. We would not do that to others we say, because it is painful to us. But we do and say hurtful things for others. And the tone of the voice! OMG!!! This one is just like a doctor prescription for me personally. This one alone will make the huge jump in personal growth when accomplished.
Pen clicking is hurtful for me. Making an angry comment to a pen clicker “I have asked too many times to stop the pen clicking” is hurtful for him/her.
Harsh words and blameful comments are just as hurtful, just in a different way.
When we are not intentional when we just moving through the motions of everyday life we just staying in a cycle of taking and often hurting each other. Unfortunately.
Be intentional today. Create a loving or safe environment for someone. Even if it is just one act of kindness. Make it happen. Be in the state of giving. Even for a short period of time.
If people would just share and express more love towards each other
I know how hard that can be on the days when life is not pleasant. I’m fighting my own demons too. Everyday. Some days are great and some days I just want to sleep through and be done with it.
Today I want to generate kindness and love. Today I want to generate a safe environment for people around me. And my wish for today is that you will feel it.
The rustle of plastic and paper bags...
Goodness, it is insane how difficult and painful the noise of the bags is.
And of course, I’m most triggered today. On the day when I feel exhausted, stressed and overwhelmed. So close to meltdown right now at 8:47 am
In the office full of co-workers who are embracing this Tuesday morning and each other by slamming the high fives so so so loud.
Here is one more! Boom!!! Two times in a row because the first one was not loud enough! Right next to me. So close it can’t be ignored even if I look at them doing it.
Today I am wishing like never before about time when I would work in a quiet place. Or I‘ll get better with these particular triggers.
The feeling that people don’t care about each other is so real right now. It is unbelievable how the mind is ruling the thoughts during the fight or flight attacks.
And there is one more.... the pen clicker... no matter how many times I have asked him not to... I have reached zero results ... he still clicks his pen during the entire day, while collecting those that don’t click and proudly storing them at his desk.
And I know he does it when he is nerves, and it is publicly acceptable. Yet, experiencing a Misophonia attack during pen clicking is not publicly acceptable.... and we gotta control our emotions and responses. Ohhh ... “though train just took off and there is no way to stop it now ”
And there is one more... the spoon hitter with glass containers ... She does it so obnoxiously on the glass container (at least twice every day: breakfast and lunch). She stands to save the environment and does not use plastic spoons! Great cause though :)
And of course all 4 of those triggers had to happen all at once within 5 min.
4 triggers at the same time - panic attack followed by another attack before the first one is over... and the cycle repeats 4 times.
I had to get out. I could not tolerate it today. I could not stop my tears. I have been wiping them off on my way out and rushed outside before I had a complete meltdown right in my office in front of all my co-workers...
Walked outside. I had a few deep breaths. Whipped off my tears. More deep breaths. Calmed me down. Picking myself up and getting myself out of my panic attack has become a very well developed skill.
10 minutes break and I am walking back to my office. I will complete my workday in the office today no matter what. And I for sure will double my efforts on job search today
Have a great Tuesday everyone! Not all Tuesday’s are like that and there is always a chance that day will get better. Gotta have faith and take walks outside if needed.
P.S. I am crystal clear that no one does it on purpose, and all of them have no clue what noises trigger me, even though most of them know I have Misophonia. Knowing it is not enough to understand.
There times in everyone’s life when we feel like we can’t take it anymore, when we feel like giving up. Life is not always a sunshine and rainbows. Often life is very stormy. Overwhelming. Knocks you down. Defeats you. At least it feels like this.
You feel so drained, tiered and empty. You feel no energy. You may feel like everything you do is pointless and helpless. Maybe you feel like you are stock and see no way out.
I am no different and had plenty of these moments too.
Habitually I would stop and do nothing for a while. Then I would start blaming myself for wasted time and inability to stay focus. This would follow by blaming myself for failing, for breaking my own word to myself, for being inconsistent.
It has been a long journey before I realized that this is habitual pattern, developed over time, and subconsciously selected by me every single time it is time for me to expend.
These are the moments when I need to push myself through, when I need to keep going no matter what. These are the moments of breakthrough.
The hardest part is to be finally aware of it, to realize it, to understand it, but keep watching myself choosing the old negative, helpless and victim pattern over and over again.
I just could not pull it off and find strength to keep going. I would habitually stop, get distracted with other things or withdraw from all together.
At times I was so hard on myself I would blame myself for not overcoming it now and creating more of it in the future. I know that this situation would keep coming back over and over again, because I keep asking for breakthrough, growth and changes. I knew what I was doing, but felt helpless.
I am working on breaking this pattern now. A month ago I would stay silent. I would not say anything to anyone. I would not reach out for help, I would not complain, I would not acknowledge even to myself that I need help, that I am trapped in my old patterns, can’t get out and it is getting worse.
This is not how I want to continue. I want to change, I want to break this pattern, I want to grow, and I want to keep going even when I don’t feel like taking next step. This is what I have read in all the books I have read, heard in all the podcasts and videos, seminars and workshops. It is not something new to me. I have heard it from every successful person I have ever came across.
I just could not figure out why knowing is not enough for me and why I am not able to stay focused on my goals.
One of my friends mentioned that getting an accountability partner, who would keep me accountable, could be the deal breaker and would help me break my old pattern and develop a new one. I agreed. I know it works because I was able to reach my fitness goals earlier this year and having a coach and supporting team helped a lot and made the difference.
I have asked her to be my accountability partner. I got an amazing one. Not the one how would feel for me and would comfort me with “It’s OK, I know it’s hard, I understand”. Or would only have yes or no way, focused on results no exceptions. I got the one who feels it when and what is appropriate to say. And even though 1 out of 100 times she would comfort me, other 99 times she would get me going without feeling like doing it. And this is the key ingredient for growth.
This last Sunday I was telling her how so much was going on and I was not in a place of getting things done. I just wanted to take time off and go to bed. She said “I know you don’t feel like doing it. Just get it done!”
That’s all. That’s all she said and that was enough for me. Something happened and I have developed strength out of nowhere to keep going. Strength that I did not have just a min ago.
Our minds are so powerful. We are powerful. And same way we can develop the control of our emotions. The only way to get better and take control over your emotions is to do it even when you don’t feel like doing it anymore. Even when you think you can’t. Even when you feel like you are failing.
You have to learn to control how you express your emotions every single day. This is the only way to get better and improve your life with Misophonia. But it is so much harder to do it alone. Find an accountability partner. It can be friend or a family member. Someone who wants to help you.
🔥🔥🔥1 month without headphones 🔥🔥🔥
At work 🏫
At home 🏡
At my favorite coffee shop ☕️
I m freaking amazed with the results! I m very happy and proud of myself, and the work I have done! I did not get rid of my Misophonia triggers, but I m capable of living life without headphones where I absolutely had to have them on.
I am extremely thankful for Dr. Allen Rohe
We have talked for hours and I was so pleased to be able to share my thoughts, my pains, my triggers, my concerns and fears, as well as all of my accomplishments of living a life with Misophonia with Dr. Allen Rohe.
I came into his office after my supervisor told me “there is nothing I can do unless you can bring me a doctor note. Until then, you have to attend our weekly meetings. And I can’t tell people they are not allowed to eat during our meetings. I am sorry. Until then nothing I can do.”
The reality was I did not even asked her to do anything. From the day one when I discovered misophonia I took full responsibility for my reactions. I set high expectations for myself to get better no matter what. But during the meeting that day I found myself in a position of walking out of the room full of people eating and crunching and talking at the same time. I could not take it anymore and walked out.
This caused me to have a meeting after meeting when I made several attempts to explain misophonia to a person who clearly did not want to understand it. Or maybe she could not understand it, which can be a possibility too.
I have worked there for few years now and never asked for anything to smooth my misophonia triggers. But that day I was asked to bring a doctor note or stay in a room until the end of the meeting.
I cried on my way home. I did not want to ask for doctor accommodations. I was afraid it will break my belief and spirit, and I will stop working on healing and improving myself. I have read so many stories of successful people who’s parents refuse to put them in a special school/class and encouraged them, and supported them through tough times at a regular school. It helped them to build up the belief that they do no need accommodations. That they are capable of handling tasks just like everybody else.
I did not want to ask for accommodations. I wanted to get better. I knew the reactions and responses can be improved, if I just practice it long enough. The only problem I did not know how much longer it will take. What if it takes a very long time? What am I suppose to do until then?
What if next week I will have same experience at work? God knows it is painful to tolerate.
It was a very difficult moment when for a while I have lost my faith in myself. I was afraid I was not capable of overcoming this Misophonia challenge. I was desperately needing the support. Needing someone who can support. Who can give me that encouragement to keep going in the direction I was going.
Dr. Allen Rohe gave me all I needed that day. All I needed and even more. He said “ This is not a disability. You do not need an accommodation. You know it! Don’t let them do that to you! You got this. You are on right path and you will see you will overcome it!”
That’s all I needed to hear. We all need reassurance from time to time. This was my time. And it worked! Dr. Allen Rohe was absolutely right - I do not need accommodations. I got this 💪
Now I know it is possible
Now I know I m capable
Now I know I m in control on my thoughts
My habits. My reactions. My responses. My attitude.
I m capable to overcome it ! Period . So does everybody else! We got this 💪
When you imagine a family dinner, you probably picture a beautifully served table with fine china and proper silverware. Or maybe you picture paper plates and pizza boxes. Or maybe you picture something in between, or both depends on the day of the week.
Maybe in your home everyone eats together in the living room in front of the TV.
Maybe in your home TV is not allowed during dinner time and family conversations are taking place.
Whatever your preference/ tradition is if you or a family member has Misophonia this could be the worst time of the day for them.
Misophonia is a disorder where people have abnormally strong and negative reactions to the ordinary sounds humans make at the dinner table, such as chewing or talking with food still in their mouth. The amount of pain one experiencing is often unbearable.
Now imaging for a moment a child who has Misophonia, whose parents do not know/understand/or ignore the fact of what this child is experiencing, is told he or she has to sit through the dinner time while experiencing pain, “fight or flight” response, anxiety, rage and panic attack and get their act together and sit still, and behave and be police, grateful and appreciative for the food, parents, siblings and everything those loving parents do for them.
Even as adults we often can’t explain what we feel and why, children or teens are struggling with it as well. Only few reaching out for help. Most continue to suffer in silence.
Please make a decision to value safe environment at home more then you value your house rules. Be open and open minded. Even though it is not easy. Let your heart lead and not your ego or fears. Be honest with yourself and ask yourself “Why is it so important for you to have everyone eat together?” List the reasons. Review them. You will be surprised (and most of the time this is not a pleasant surprise). But if you are brave to face the trough you will the opportunities to make peaceful decisions and create loving, respectful and safe place in your home for yourself and all family members.
If dinner time associates with the quality time for you maybe it is time to review how much quality time your family actually have and how come dinners end up being the only time when family is together? Do you have to have quality time with everyone at the same time or maybe you can create quality time with each family member individually? Do you feel immediate resistance or do you start wonder about new possibilities? Is it time to create new experiences for your family?
Mindset and your perspective play the most vital role in it and what’s great about it – it can be change! The question is how bad do you want it? Are you willing to make those changes?
P.S. It is also applies to your adult friends J If you have Misophonia – lunches and dinners with friends are not the only ways to have quality and fun time. Create the enjoyable experiences. It is in your power!
How do you feel when you hear “No one owes you anything! “
What is your first thought? How do you feel when you hear this phrase? What is your first reaction?
Majority of Misophonia community, unfortunately, believes in the opposite. I use to think that way too. Looking back now I can clearly see how many conflicts have been created with that thinking, with that state of mind. So much pain, unnecessary pain has been created and some of the relationships have been destroyed before I was able to realize that
NO ONE OWES ME ANYTHING.
And by that I mean ANYTHING!
They do not have to stop making that noise.
They do not have to understand what Misophonia is.
They do not have to know how you brain reacts to the trigger noises.
They do not have to put up with your eye bowling/rolling or any other things you do with your eyes when you stare at one who makes a noise that triggers you.
They do not have to tolerate your rude reactions.
They do not have to listen to your angry statements or point of view.
No one has to act or behave the way you want them to behave.
We sure want them to do, be and act differently. We sure want them often to know and understand at the same level we know it. We sure benefit from them being loving and caring, and sensitive to our needs. We sure kindly appreciate everything they do to smooth the situation where trigger can’t be avoided.
The actual question “How do you feel when you hear “No one owes you anything!“ will be the indication on where you stand in your personal growth journey, if you have an open mindset, will show you your development level. This also can help you see your healing level. Your awareness level. You can discover so much about yourself by asking yourself “how do I feel when I hear this phrase”. If you are open to see that.
It is scary to look deep and requires a lot of courage. Only when we are brave enough to allow ourselves to feel the feelings, be scared and still move forward we gain our power back.
Our power is not in denial of the way we feel. Our power is in the awareness. Our power is in acceptance.
Acknowledge what you feel and why. Stay with it for a few minutes. Allow yourself thoroughly experience it. Then hopefully you would want to look deeper and heal it instead of running away again or denying its presence.
In my reality it is still different sometime. In some situations that I did not work through/ passed the lesson/or still in denial I can still catch myself thinking and being so sure that another person has to be different, do something different or act differently. Those situations are my indicators on the areas I need to look deeper. These situations are my lessons that keep coming back. And they will be coming back until I stop denying it and learn from it.
I don’t always like it … Or to be exact I am disgusted with some of them. But I know that this is exactly what I need to see and feel in that moment. Those moments (when I don’t deny or resist them) are my brightest and loudest indicators of the areas where the battle between me and my ego is taking place right now. And I am here to acknowledge it and be brave enough to face it. I want to be the one who was able to brake the cycle, brake the pattern and be the one who was able to overcome it. The one who can feel calm and peaceful hearing “No one owes me anything!”
How about you? Are you able to see the patter of your situations that keep happening to you over and over when you feel that people should have been different or should treat you differently? How do you feel towards them when you hear a phrase “No one owes you anything?”
Does it trigger you? And if yes, how?
Become the person you want others to be. Be an example of the kind of conduct you wish to see in the world. Be kind in your thoughts and in your responses. Do not expect love, excellence or generosity if you do not radiate such things.
People spend life time waiting on another person to change first, to understand first, and to act first.
Notice the urge you most likely have to say “I will respond in much nicer way if he will just stops talking with his mouth full” or “I will not act up if she just stops popping that gum every 30 seconds”
Notice that strong feeling of wanting another person to initiate the change. Well, they feel the same way. If you ever discuss this matter with that another person you most likely will hear them saying exactly the same thing “if she would just say it nicely and in polite way, I would have no problem paying more attention to it” or “I would do whatever I can to make sure I finish my food before responding to a conversation”. Or “Sure, I will take my gum out of if she would ask instead of yelling at my calling me names”.
That’s our ego. It runs our lives. It keeps us away from acting up on changes we want to see in ourselves, others and our lives.
Notice how strong it is. Even with the awareness and full understanding of how much better and happier your life can be if this change accrues it is still hard to take the first step.
That’s how strong our ego is. Acknowledge its presence, but do not let it run your life. Take control and make the first move. Even if it feels hard. Even if it is scary. You will be so pleased with the results. Give it a shot.
Imagine that another person’s ego is just as strong. In reality it is not a conflict between two people. It is a conflict between two egos.
Another person does not react negatively on you asking them to stop making a curtain noise. He or she react on how you ask them to stop it. To be exact – they react on how you tell them to stop making a noise. Because most of the time it comes out as a blame, attack, negative, harsh and rude. Period.
I know that every time I have experienced pain from my Misophonia attacks the responses were rude.
My thoughts were negative and blameful for long hours and days after trigger situation has ended.
It is only after I took full responsibility on how I react, respond, think and go about it everything has changed for me. I still have people in my life who do not even notice the difference in me because they know me for so long as someone who is rude to one who eats with moths open. I still have people in my life who take Misophonia explanation very personally, they do not hear the facts at all. I still have people in my life who do not change their ways in my presence, even though they know about Misophonia and how it affects me. But is it very small amount of people. Very small amount of people.
I am pleased to say that majority of people I am in contact respond in a gentle and caring way now. Now. After I’ve took 100% responsibility of my reactions and responses. After I’ve changed my ways. After I’ve changed my thoughts. After I have changed my mindset.