DAY IN THE OFFICE or HOW I PULLED MYSELF OUT OF FIGHT OR FLIGHT ATTACK TODAY AND WENT BACK TO WORK

​The rustle of plastic and paper bags...
 
Goodness, it is insane how difficult and painful the noise of the bags is. 
 
And of course, I’m most triggered today. On the day when I feel exhausted, stressed and overwhelmed. So close to meltdown right now at 8:47 am 
 
In the office full of co-workers who are embracing this Tuesday morning and each other by slamming the high fives so so so loud. 
 
Here is one more! Boom!!! Two times in a row because the first one was not loud enough! Right next to me. So close it can’t be ignored even if I look at them doing it.
 
Today I am wishing like never before about time when I would work in a quiet place. Or I‘ll get better with these particular triggers. 
 
The feeling that people don’t care about each other is so real right now. It is unbelievable how the mind is ruling the thoughts during the fight or flight attacks. 
 
And there is one more.... the pen clicker... no matter how many times I have asked him not to... I have reached zero results ... he still clicks his pen during the entire day, while collecting those that don’t click and proudly storing them at his desk.  
 
And I know he does it when he is nerves, and it is publicly acceptable. Yet, experiencing a Misophonia attack during pen clicking is not publicly acceptable.... and we gotta control our emotions and responses. Ohhh ... “though train just took off and there is no way to stop it now  ” 
 
And there is one more... the spoon hitter with glass containers ... She does it so obnoxiously on the glass container (at least twice every day: breakfast and lunch). She stands to save the environment and does not use plastic spoons! Great cause though :) 
 
And of course all 4 of those triggers had to happen all at once within 5 min. 
 
4 triggers at the same time - panic attack followed by another attack before the first one is over... and the cycle repeats 4 times. 
 
I had to get out. I could not tolerate it today. I could not stop my tears. I have been wiping them off on my way out and rushed outside before I had a complete meltdown right in my office in front of all my co-workers...
 
Walked outside. I had a few deep breaths. Whipped off my tears. More deep breaths. Calmed me down. Picking myself up and getting myself out of my panic attack has become a very well developed skill. 
 
10 minutes break and I am walking back to my office. I will complete my workday in the office today no matter what. And I for sure will double my efforts on job search today
 
Have a great Tuesday everyone! Not all Tuesday’s are like that and there is always a chance that day will get better. Gotta have faith and take walks outside if needed. 
 
#appreciatingquietmomentstodayforsure 
 
P.S. I am crystal clear that no one does it on purpose, and all of them have no clue what noises trigger me, even though most of them know I have Misophonia. Knowing it is not enough to understand.