A question I was asked recently by a mother whose teenage daughter has Misophonia. She went on and on explaining to me what she had tried and have done to help her daughter with Misophonia. It was a long conversation. Conversation where I practiced my listening power.
All I wanted to respond is - I bet what she really wants (after all this) is for everyone to leave her alone and be done with the conversations about how she should live her life.
All I wanted to say is - we can’t change or force other people’s thinking, but we can lead by example and you can start with yourself, and this is how you will help your child.
All I wanted to say is - you are an amazing and very caring mother daughter can dream of, but you dominate in the vibrational space when you are with her. When you entered the room the last time all three of us met even I felt small. Imagine your daughter's life - constantly feeling small, unheard and devalued because “she does not know what she is doing and you feel like you have to save her”. That is why she is so distant from you.
Yes, this is what I wanted to say, but I couldn’t. I did not have a right to say it. She did not come to me for an advice, she did not come to me with a question and did not ask for help. She came to me and asked if I can speak to her daughter.
I respect that. I respect her. I want her to feel heard during that conversation. And I did not say anything that was going through my mind. I can’t and I won’t. Not until she comes to me and asks “can you talk to me?” Instead of asking to talk to her daughter.
I told her “Yes, sure I will talk to your daughter”.
I knew this conversation won’t happen. And it never did. We can’t force others to open up to a stranger (I’m her mom’s friend, not her) about one of the most difficult and painful subjects in her life.
The daughter did not respond to my call or text.
And the truth is I would not respond either if I was in her shoes.
Mom wanted me to talk to her daughter, so that I can tell her that my life with Misophonia has changed when I changed my mindset.
What she can do to help her daughter is to change her own mindset about her daughter’s Misophonia....
… But this is the whole another blog post.